I’m still coming down off my high from GCLS, but I’m not going to do a re-cap like everyone else because: 1) I’m the definition of unconventional and I never swim in the same direction as everyone else and; 2) I’m inspired to talk about something else a whole lot more fun.
I mentioned before that I participated in a panel called, Bad Ass women with a Heart of Gold. This got me to thinking about what constitutes a bass ass woman? No doubt, y’all went to the same place that I did, a gun toting, martial arts quadruple black belt (is there such a thing), 6-pack for abs, butt kicking Amazonian goddess. That got me to thinking about what really gets my engine running and it is intelligence, wit, and humor. So…why do I first think of a bad ass with the above physical traits and not a bad ass intellectual.
My older sister who turns 59 today and does not look a day over 40, it the biggest, baddest, bad ass I know when it comes to intelligence and wit. She can zing and insult faster and more effective than anyone I know. She uses her words and people sit up and listen. There isn’t a teacher, lawyer, doctor, politician or anyone else that would dare to take her on in a verbal battle of wits.
In the book that Erin O’Reilly and I birthed today from Affinity Rainbow publications, there are both kinds of bad asses, those with the physical prowess and those with the intellectual and strategic adroitness (oh what a great word that is). Here are a few clips from The Organization demonstrating the different kinds of badassery:
Val squirmed in the backseat of the SUV. “Jesus Christ, my grandma drove faster than you.”
“Shut the fuck up, Val. You don’t have a grandma,” Sophie responded.
Val crossed her arms across her chest. “How the hell do you know anything about my family? I could have a grandma.”
“Maggie pulled your punk ass off the streets. No grandma hanging around. We’ll get there in plenty of time to collect your girlfriend.” Sophie flipped the visor down after careening around a bend only to find the bright sunlight blinding her. She gripped the wheel tighter.
“She’s not my girlfriend,” Val grumbled.
“You sure act like she is. Ya know…since you’re all hell-bent on rescuing her even though she’s not one of us,” Ronda interjected.
“Leave her alone.” Char turned her head to first glare at Sophie, then at Ronda for a disapproving look.
Mark chuckled. “You guys sound a lot like my squad, but I’ll bet you always have each other’s backs.”
“Who told you it was time to contribute to the conversation?” Ronda made a fist and pounded his leg.
“Ouch. What did ya do that for?”
Ronda grinned. “Just felt like it.”
“Shit. Probably some dumbass looking at his cell phone again and everyone else has to rubberneck to try to find the gore.” Sophie pushed the visor up. The car decelerated to a creeping speed as the line of cars ahead slowed.
“I told you to take the back roads. You know the highway is always a crapshoot, especially at this time of day,” Ronda interjected.
“Shut up, Ronda. Just what I don’t need, stereo backseat drivers.” Sophie smacked the steering wheel. “God damn it. We’re going to be caught in this for hours.”
“Good thing I’m prepared.” Char leaned forward, rifled through her bag, and pulled out what looked like a portable police siren. “Toni rigged this up for me a few weeks ago. She knows how much I hate waiting in traffic. We won’t be flying down the highway, but at least we’ll be able to navigate through this little cluster on the shoulder and be on our way.”
“Okay, the little shit gets a free pass next time she raids my freezer,” Val said. “Now slap that device on the roof and let’s get a move on. I wouldn’t put it past Leonid to send an army to Antonio’s place. He won’t take this lying down.” She leaned forward and whispered, “Thanks, Char.”
“Yes, Antonio just called with an update and so did Char,” Maggie answered. “Everyone will converge on Antonio’s compound. I’m waiting for additional news. You can either sit here with me or go back to the lab and continue to monitor Leonid with Dani.”
“You know, Maggie, I don’t know whether to applaud you or fear you. There’s not a hair out of place on your head and you delivered that response as if you’d just informed me that we were having turkey for dinner.”
Maggie raised her brow. “Do not ever misunderstand my absence of hysteria for apathy. Nothing could be further from the truth. Excess worry and emotion never adds to the strength of an operation.”
“Okay, stop distracting me. I need to concentrate on the final adjustments to the code,” Toni told Char before looking in Dani’s direction. “Do you think we’ll be done with this today?”
Dani nodded. “You just opened the floodgates with your modification. That was the key. I’m confident we can finish today. We’ll need to do some final testing, of course, but this will be so sweet. All Val will have to do is activate it and the new audio stream will match their gestures and sync enough to fool Leonid. They should be able to talk freely whenever she uses the device.”
“I don’t understand how you’re able to sync the audio and video.” Char leaned over the computer screen.
“Just think of this like a really advanced foreign movie. Hollywood hasn’t come nearly as far with dubbing technology as we have. Granted, they’ve come a long way, but our technology is almost seamless. Leonid won’t be able to detect any anomalies. We’re almost done, but no offense, hon, you’re getting in the way of our making history here,” Toni answered.
Dani nodded and began to enter code into the program. “I got it. Take a look, Toni.”
Toni glanced at the screen. “Yeah, that looks about right. Let’s do a little test right now. Char, will you please sit in my lap and tell me that you want to rip off my clothes and fuck me ’til I scream?”
“You’re kidding, right?” Char asked.
Toni grinned. “Nope, we need to test how the code works and what it will do to sync the video and audio of the live demonstration.”
“I swear you two have the oddest ways to test your inventions.”
“We might be geeks, but we know how to make our work interesting,” Toni remarked.
“Fine.” Char sat on Toni’s lap and deadpanned, “I want to rip your clothes off and fuck you until you scream.”
“Waiter, check please,” Toni quipped.
This is not exactly the original blog that I lost, but hopefully, this recreated one is close enough. If you want to read about all the different types of bad ass women, feel free to check out Asset Management and the sequel, The Organization, available everywhere, just click the links below and Asset Management is still on sale for a short time!